he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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