capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
