I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
