I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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