i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he thought i was a dude.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
