No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
