you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
