I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
