another moral hangover. fuck.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
