the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
soo... how was my night?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
