I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
