Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
