my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
