This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
