Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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