Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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