if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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