I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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