You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
