it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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