yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
