Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
