I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
