you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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