her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
