I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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