and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
