Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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