I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
