she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
