Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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