I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
