At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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