we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
