update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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