i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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