dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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