Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This is my gift to your gina
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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