i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
