I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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