Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
How external is "for external use only"?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
