I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
