Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
