You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
