just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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