im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
