yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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