so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
