you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
