I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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