I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
