he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
