when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
