Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
